Good god, if the €5 player lottery wasn’t already degenerate enough, the powers that be decided to award the €13.6k first and only prize not to the first name they pulled from the metaphorical digital hat, but to the second. The TD’s master spreadsheet containing all the names was just now projected on to the big screen as he used a random number generator to select the ticket number of a hapless soul destined to win absolutely nothing, and then scrolled down the spreadsheet very slowly until he alighted on that name. Cries of, “It’s not me, I saw my name!” and so on echoed around the by now rather squiffy crowd. Sorry, Team Slovakia – it was not destined to be.
This was repeated a second time, with even more excruciating cruelty, until he cursor finally alighted on one Phil Clarke, who was handed €13,600 in a big bag which he has presumably taken directly to the bar where we suspect he is suddenly very popular.